Danke for faving ^^

It all started when our hero, Justin Bieber, woke up in a bush. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally pleased, Justin Bieber stroked a salt shaker, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that his beloved Virginity was missing! Immediately he called his friend, His Right Hand. Justin Bieber had known His Right Hand for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. His Right Hand was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... insensitive. Justin Bieber called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

His Right Hand picked up to a very ecstatic Justin Bieber. His Right Hand calmly assured him that most hamsters yawn before mating, yet puppies usually flamboyantly grimace *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Justin Bieber. Why was His Right Hand trying to distract Justin Bieber? Because she had snuck out from Justin Bieber's with the Virginity only eleven days prior. It was a exotic little Virginity... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Justin Bieber got back to the subject at hand: his Virginity. His Right Hand belched. Relunctantly, His Right Hand invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Virginity. Justin Bieber grabbed his bed and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, His Right Hand realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Virginity and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Justin Bieber took the truck, she had take at least eleven minutes before Justin Bieber would get there. But if he took the scooter? Then His Right Hand would be overwhelmingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, His Right Hand was interrupted by six insensitive gay cats that were lured by her Virginity. His Right Hand cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she carefully reached for her stapler and thoughtfully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the scooter rolling up. It was Justin Bieber.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of staplers, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Justin Bieber was out of the scooter and went flamboyantly jaunting toward His Right Hand's front door. Meanwhile inside, His Right Hand was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Virginity into a box of salt shakers and then slid the box behind her bed. His Right Hand was frustrated but at least the Virginity was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' His Right Hand indiscriminately purred. With a hasty push, Justin Bieber opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive tool in a Daewoo,' he lied. 'It's fine,' His Right Hand assured him. Justin Bieber took a seat vaguely close to where His Right Hand had hidden the Virginity. His Right Hand belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Justin Bieber was distracted. Soon afterward, His Right Hand noticed a stupid look on Justin Bieber's face. Justin Bieber slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

His Right Hand felt a stabbing pain in her thigh when Justin Bieber asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Virginity right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Justin Bieber's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's oven mitts from when she used to have pet wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Justin Bieber nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before His Right Hand could react, Justin Bieber fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Virginity was plainly in view.

Justin Bieber stared at His Right Hand for what what must've been six nanoseconds. A few minutes later, His Right Hand groped flamboyantly in Justin Bieber's direction, clearly desperate. Justin Bieber grabbed the Virginity and bolted for the door. It was locked. His Right Hand let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Justin Bieber,' she rebuked. His Right Hand always had been a little annoying, so Justin Bieber knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before His Right Hand did something crazy, like... start chucking pencils at her or something. A few minutes later, he gripped his Virginity tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

His Right Hand looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Justin Bieber. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Justin Bieber. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. His Right Hand walked over to the window and looked down. Justin Bieber was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Justin Bieber was struggling to make his way through the bush behind His Right Hand's place. Justin Bieber had severely hurt his face during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral gay cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Virginity. One by one they latched on to Justin Bieber. Already weakened from his injury, Justin Bieber yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of gay cats running off with his Virginity.

But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Justin Bieber's Virginity. Feeling puzzled, God smote the gay cats for their injustice. Then He got in His Pontiac Aztec and zipped away with the fortitude of 20 kittens running from a big pack of kittens. Justin Bieber jumped with joy when he saw this. His Virginity was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, My Little Pony, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When otters meet gun'). Justin Bieber was pleased. And so, everyone except His Right Hand and a few ebola-toting marmots lived blissfully happy, forever after.

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I made you some brownies. [link] Enjoy! ( ~O3O)~